Pride In All Things

I never officially came out, but I wonder if this counts.

At 9, my first kiss was a girl. It was in afterschool, under the stairwell, in my Catholic middle school. Picture this, a young girl who couldn’t even say the world lesbian without crying was kissing girls unbeknownst to everyone around her. Believe it or not, later that year I would have my first make out with a different girl in that very same afterschool. No doubt they should have been watching us better. Irregardless of that fact, counting the girls I secretly “dated” in middle school, it turns out that I’ve certainly had more girlfriends than boyfriends over the years.

I was lucky to grow up in a queer household where I knew that who I loved would never negatively impact the love I had from my family. I think there was lots of comfort in knowing that I would be safe in love no matter who I ended up with which might be part of the reason why I never had a real coming out. I never felt like I had to. 

And while never feeling like I had to is, in theory, great — I can also acknowledge that somewhere deep down, I was heavily impacted by Catholic guilt. Not because I grew up Catholic, but because I went to Catholic school my entire life. It no doubt, contributes to my abundance of shame and secret keeping about more than just my sexual identity, but that’s more for a therapist to unpack than my readers.

In high school, I was kind out “outed” but only in the sense that, that very personal information about me was shared without my knowledge. Luckily for me, I never felt any outward shame about it because like I said, there wasn’t really a reason to ever hide who I was. Although I was never considered “out”, and certainly didn’t blast my identity to anyone, my mom had known and that was my safe space. For me…that was enough. I also ended up co-founding my high school’s first ever LGBTQ+ safe space which is one of my proudest achievements.

As I got older, I think I was able to put better words to how I identified. I never felt right or completely confident in the bisexual identity and that’s because I wasn’t bisexual and I just didn’t know it yet. As I would later learn, like many things that come with time and patience…I would discover that I was pansexual. I have never been limited in my view of what my future partner would look like and that’s how I knew. I was comfortable with my future being with someone of any gender, whether CIS, trans, or nonbinary. While I always felt this way, for the first time in my life, I finally had an identity I was confotable with in my early twenties.

I’ve also been lucky to have partners who accepted my queer family, my queer identity, and most certainly my would-be very queer future. 

While I will never be that 13-year old girl stealing her brothers clothes anymore, and dressing like a tomboy - there will always be a stem in me at heart. If you know, you know.

Library of Angels is a queer-owned business and that’s because I. Am. Queer.

I love that as I continue to grow, so will this brand. I am proud of everything I have accomplished in this life — building my business, healing my trauma, and owning my identity. I hope that you, too, find pride in all you do. Not just during Pride Month, but yearlong. Because you, queer and out or not — are deserving of support and recognition for getting up one more day and choosing you.

Happy Pride Month to all. Take pride in all things and know that your L.A. family is here to support you — always.